Sunday, April 13, 2008
Words...
To really spend one day in my own room, looking around at the photos in the rooms brings some memories. I dun usually get time to spend the day in my own room and packing things out. And for today, i decided to take a different task by cleaning up the rooms.
Was cleaning up the photos and taking down the big frame that was hung one the wall. The big frame that i wake up and face every morning. The tool that bring me back to the days that we used to be. Every now and then looking at that brings memories about the past. And today, i 've decided to take it down from the wall to clean up. every single photos brings back the fond time of the past. good time with great people. but now is different cos situation changed. looking at the frame flashing back the days i recieve this frame, i smiled. i decided to take this frame down and keep it somewhere bcos of some reasons inside me. I keep all things that shld be kept. mayb it will always be in the memories box, when i miss it i will take out and look at it again. or maybe one day all these will be place back again. i never know. some things given to me is one and only in the world and that's something i know i will never bear to throw. i will always keep it with me till i die bcos they are precious like gems. maybe one day when i lost all my memories, all these stuffs will help
There are always words that is unspeakable. It's either you never get the chance to say or even when you have the chance to you can't find the courage to. There's so much to say and yet it have to be kept deep inside, i wonder when will all these be known.
I neglected how i felt for almost half a year and i always thought am already use to not thinking about it and not being around. Gina's always mention about friends to me and one phrase that hit me real hard when she said : "All the way, we gain and lose some friends" , Friends that we gain might not be comparable to those we lost. That really hit me hard not only in the mind but also in the heart. It's reminds me so painful it is to lose someone who really matter me deep inside. Ibviously i know, its never easy to replace someone with another one. Bcos everyone matters to me for a special reason and there's no why how i can replace someone esle with this person position. It's irreplacable! If someone say, someone will replace you in my life soon. It's crap, bcos nobdy can replace anybody in life. There's no clone in the world even twins are different so let's not talk about being exactly the same. Its not dispaly on the shelves, once sold and can be replenish back with the same one. There isn't much people that comes into you life and you make them special in your life. People who you are willing to do anything. someone who you can choose to be him or her when they are feeling down, someone who you really wan to be there for when they are down. someone who you will feel down when they are down. someone , just somoene who will do anything for. how many somoene can we really find in the world, who is willing to do everything for you? be there for you, concern and encourage you. i beliebe not everyone in life can find a real true fren and if you have it, lucky you.
I nalways tot i can be there for people who really matters to me in life. There's so many of them and yet there;s so lil i can do for them. i start realizing the change in me, am no longer the one who likes to listen to others problem and solve them. I start becoming someone who dun really feel like toking when its unnecssary for me. i can no longer sit down with someone at coffeejoints for hours for some silly talks. i can no longer give attention pp who are toking to me. my eyes starts to drift to some other place when pp are toking to me. i hav no ideas what is happening to me mayb this is part of growing up. or growing old. i still rems i used to talk alot, with anyone or rather everyone. I can listen to people problems and think of tons of way to make them happiers and give them solutions. But right now, when someone tok to me about probelms. my first reaction is ... i cant[ even solve my own problems how do i solve others problem. in what standing should i give advise. in what way should i?
Losing a close kin is a terrible feeling and i've to admit losing a good friend who take impt factor in life hurts as well. I lost my mum 7 years ago, i took sometime to get over the sadness and occasionally feels sad about it at times. I always assume that losing the near kin in the family is the most painful thing that will ever take place in human life. But these few years really make me change my point of view. How much it hurts inside you all depends on how important is this person who matters to you deep inside.
I don't always put everyone in priority jus bcos i dun have much family values embedded in me. Since young, my family have never been the expressive kind who shower lots of love and concern in the emotional way and so am bought up this way. Even when we care and concern, it will never be the very expressive way. If people really known me well should know this fact that expecting me to console someone in a emotional way will take place. When it comes to solving other people problems am always very rational, i can speak in a very firm and rational way to others. But when it comes to me my problem, i lose control of my rational. Irritational takes place and emotion comes in combo.
I keep telling myself as long as i don't bother i will be fine and i won't feel anything about it. But when i turn around am surrounded by memories and its tons of them, tons of memories that are rushing towards me. Even the air and weather reminds me of the past. And i understand its no longer if i bother or how much i care and how much i really wan to do with ti. Bcos one simple answer is its not going to change anything. There's nothing i can do to revive anything or etc.
If am given a time machine, should i rewind time or forward time? To rewind and make everything alright or should i forward it to get over it? which is better... did anyone really think about this? which option is better? maybe, i would choose to rewind time back and make things alright rather than forward time and bring those regrets and painful memories into the grave.
How long do i have to be bothered about all this? another 1 year? 5 years? 10 years or worst a lifetime till the day i die? Till the day that i still have to tell myself i 've regrets in life that i can't resolve. Regrets that i have words that not have been said... those words that i have to keep it with me to the grave. Do it have to be that way ?
your name is like a music to me. a music that runs in my mind.
To really spend one day in my own room, looking around at the photos in the rooms brings some memories. I dun usually get time to spend the day in my own room and packing things out. And for today, i decided to take a different task by cleaning up the rooms.
Was cleaning up the photos and taking down the big frame that was hung one the wall. The big frame that i wake up and face every morning. The tool that bring me back to the days that we used to be. Every now and then looking at that brings memories about the past. And today, i 've decided to take it down from the wall to clean up. every single photos brings back the fond time of the past. good time with great people. but now is different cos situation changed. looking at the frame flashing back the days i recieve this frame, i smiled. i decided to take this frame down and keep it somewhere bcos of some reasons inside me. I keep all things that shld be kept. mayb it will always be in the memories box, when i miss it i will take out and look at it again. or maybe one day all these will be place back again. i never know. some things given to me is one and only in the world and that's something i know i will never bear to throw. i will always keep it with me till i die bcos they are precious like gems. maybe one day when i lost all my memories, all these stuffs will help
There are always words that is unspeakable. It's either you never get the chance to say or even when you have the chance to you can't find the courage to. There's so much to say and yet it have to be kept deep inside, i wonder when will all these be known.
I neglected how i felt for almost half a year and i always thought am already use to not thinking about it and not being around. Gina's always mention about friends to me and one phrase that hit me real hard when she said : "All the way, we gain and lose some friends" , Friends that we gain might not be comparable to those we lost. That really hit me hard not only in the mind but also in the heart. It's reminds me so painful it is to lose someone who really matter me deep inside. Ibviously i know, its never easy to replace someone with another one. Bcos everyone matters to me for a special reason and there's no why how i can replace someone esle with this person position. It's irreplacable! If someone say, someone will replace you in my life soon. It's crap, bcos nobdy can replace anybody in life. There's no clone in the world even twins are different so let's not talk about being exactly the same. Its not dispaly on the shelves, once sold and can be replenish back with the same one. There isn't much people that comes into you life and you make them special in your life. People who you are willing to do anything. someone who you can choose to be him or her when they are feeling down, someone who you really wan to be there for when they are down. someone who you will feel down when they are down. someone , just somoene who will do anything for. how many somoene can we really find in the world, who is willing to do everything for you? be there for you, concern and encourage you. i beliebe not everyone in life can find a real true fren and if you have it, lucky you.
I nalways tot i can be there for people who really matters to me in life. There's so many of them and yet there;s so lil i can do for them. i start realizing the change in me, am no longer the one who likes to listen to others problem and solve them. I start becoming someone who dun really feel like toking when its unnecssary for me. i can no longer sit down with someone at coffeejoints for hours for some silly talks. i can no longer give attention pp who are toking to me. my eyes starts to drift to some other place when pp are toking to me. i hav no ideas what is happening to me mayb this is part of growing up. or growing old. i still rems i used to talk alot, with anyone or rather everyone. I can listen to people problems and think of tons of way to make them happiers and give them solutions. But right now, when someone tok to me about probelms. my first reaction is ... i cant[ even solve my own problems how do i solve others problem. in what standing should i give advise. in what way should i?
Losing a close kin is a terrible feeling and i've to admit losing a good friend who take impt factor in life hurts as well. I lost my mum 7 years ago, i took sometime to get over the sadness and occasionally feels sad about it at times. I always assume that losing the near kin in the family is the most painful thing that will ever take place in human life. But these few years really make me change my point of view. How much it hurts inside you all depends on how important is this person who matters to you deep inside.
I don't always put everyone in priority jus bcos i dun have much family values embedded in me. Since young, my family have never been the expressive kind who shower lots of love and concern in the emotional way and so am bought up this way. Even when we care and concern, it will never be the very expressive way. If people really known me well should know this fact that expecting me to console someone in a emotional way will take place. When it comes to solving other people problems am always very rational, i can speak in a very firm and rational way to others. But when it comes to me my problem, i lose control of my rational. Irritational takes place and emotion comes in combo.
I keep telling myself as long as i don't bother i will be fine and i won't feel anything about it. But when i turn around am surrounded by memories and its tons of them, tons of memories that are rushing towards me. Even the air and weather reminds me of the past. And i understand its no longer if i bother or how much i care and how much i really wan to do with ti. Bcos one simple answer is its not going to change anything. There's nothing i can do to revive anything or etc.
If am given a time machine, should i rewind time or forward time? To rewind and make everything alright or should i forward it to get over it? which is better... did anyone really think about this? which option is better? maybe, i would choose to rewind time back and make things alright rather than forward time and bring those regrets and painful memories into the grave.
How long do i have to be bothered about all this? another 1 year? 5 years? 10 years or worst a lifetime till the day i die? Till the day that i still have to tell myself i 've regrets in life that i can't resolve. Regrets that i have words that not have been said... those words that i have to keep it with me to the grave. Do it have to be that way ?
your name is like a music to me. a music that runs in my mind.
what we could have been, 13.4.08.
