Sunday, October 26, 2008
Used to be...
Recently, i keep dreaming of the past, the usual past that i been trying to get rid of and that never stop me from thinking about for the past few days.
Question are prompted to me, "Have you get over it?". And am having second thoughts for this question. Maybe i didn't or probably partial of it.
Some memories or images are too vivid, some words are still loud and clear. Words that was spoken, keep running in mind. Those words that you said to me once before.
I start asking myself, have i really getting myself out of the picture. If no, what's the reason? Tons of time, i asked myself this question and today i realize.
I always thought some stuffs matters to me alot, to the extend that i can't do without it. But after such a long period of thinking, i realize its not a matter of where it matters to me or not. Its a matter of "Am used to it". There's alot of things that i believe am too used to it back in the past, and i refuse to accept the fact that it changed. After all the holding on for such a long period of time, hoping one day things will be ok. Then i realize the reason of me holding on for such a long time, wasn't because it matters to me alot but bcos am used to it. Am used to it being that way, and when things changed i can;t accept it and that's make life terrible.
and now i've accepted that those memories are just used to be. Memories that am so used to, memories that i thought i could me alive and moving on. All these for a moment diminish in my world. Memories no longer the factor that keep me walking on anymore, am tired of carry those memories with me. And keep reminding myself of the good times, and refusing to face the reality. I admit that reality is cruel but i've learn to accept it.
if memories are fine cushions for the old age days, will this memories of my mine make me cry or smile.
Recently, i keep dreaming of the past, the usual past that i been trying to get rid of and that never stop me from thinking about for the past few days.
Question are prompted to me, "Have you get over it?". And am having second thoughts for this question. Maybe i didn't or probably partial of it.
Some memories or images are too vivid, some words are still loud and clear. Words that was spoken, keep running in mind. Those words that you said to me once before.
I start asking myself, have i really getting myself out of the picture. If no, what's the reason? Tons of time, i asked myself this question and today i realize.
I always thought some stuffs matters to me alot, to the extend that i can't do without it. But after such a long period of thinking, i realize its not a matter of where it matters to me or not. Its a matter of "Am used to it". There's alot of things that i believe am too used to it back in the past, and i refuse to accept the fact that it changed. After all the holding on for such a long period of time, hoping one day things will be ok. Then i realize the reason of me holding on for such a long time, wasn't because it matters to me alot but bcos am used to it. Am used to it being that way, and when things changed i can;t accept it and that's make life terrible.
and now i've accepted that those memories are just used to be. Memories that am so used to, memories that i thought i could me alive and moving on. All these for a moment diminish in my world. Memories no longer the factor that keep me walking on anymore, am tired of carry those memories with me. And keep reminding myself of the good times, and refusing to face the reality. I admit that reality is cruel but i've learn to accept it.
if memories are fine cushions for the old age days, will this memories of my mine make me cry or smile.
what we could have been, 26.10.08.
